Solitude was something I longed for.
Now I have more than I know what to do with.
A sense of belonging seems to be what I want now.
Yet I am scared to have it.
My independence has been my safety.
As much as I know that whatever (challenge) comes up from interaction with people is a gift, an opportunity to resolve hurts from my (childhood)past, I also want to stay safe and avoid conflict.
Yes, safety is an illusion, I know, but the anxiety/fear, which possible confrontations arise has me hiding in my lonely solitude which seems predictable and reliable.
Being gentle with ourselves when we feel strong emotions is important.
Tara Brach says in her post: The Power of Radical Acceptance: Healing Trauma through the Integration of Buddhist Meditation and Psychotherapy
” Especially when there has been childhood trauma, “going it alone” in this way can be frightening and disorienting. Mindfulness practices can unleash buried emotions that might re-traumatize the unskilled practitioner. Or, rigid and habitual defenses against raw feelings may impede the ability to focus or relax. In either case, meditation feels discouraging or impossible, only deepening a sense of unworthiness.”
True Belonging – Refuge in Presence and Relatedness 59;08 min free talk by Tara Brach
In this talk Tara talks about
‘homesickness’ and how it affects our health
Sense of uprootedness – are your roots in the air?
Wheel of awareness
and much, much more
and she offers great suggestions and short practices.
Image Credit: David Zydd on Pixabay
Image(with color changes) Credit: John Hain on Pixabay